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Mr. Plan II

Little Dinosaur Goes to Plan II


This bedtime story was read by Dane Miller for his talent in the Mr. Plan II Contest 2008.

“Lil’ Dinosaur Goes to Plan II” is dedicated to the Plan II office staff, for their achievement in the field of excellence.

Once upon a time, in the year 1936,

UT was bright and happy, but Dean Parlin was in a fix,

“The students are all stupid,” he grumbled one day,

“They don’t know their Plato, their logic, or Don Quixote.”

And so late that night, he awoke from a dream,

He just had a vision, of the greatest All-Star Team.

“They’ll be the fastest, the strongest, the most intelligent crew,

And since Plan I was such an obvious, horrible, failure, we’ll call them Plan II.”

And so everyone was happy, and everything was grand,

Not a problem was in sight when Plan II ruled the land.

But shortly thereafter, the others were green with envy,

They wanted to be like Plan II, as Fidy once said, UT’s MVP.

So all the greedy kids demanded a certain degree,

Focused just on money, they called it BHP.

And many other liberal kids wanted to join in on the fun,

But since Plan II said “No,” they all joined Plan I.

So throughout the forty acres, trouble was nigh,

It wasn’t clear which honors program was the best, and most fly.

So ole Grandpa Woodruff sat his flock down on the floor,

Wearing his favorite robe, he looked just like Dumbledore.

“Listen closely children,” he said with inspiring intent,

“It’s time for y’all to get on out there –it’s time to represent!”

Then Woody told them a story, much like what I’m doing here,

And that’s called “mimesis” judges, so how ‘bout a cheer?

He said there once was a Plan IIer, named the Lil’ Dinosaur,

He awoke one fine day, and walked out the door.

He couldn’t be happier, as he was walkin’ to class,

Then out come a BHPer, who started scoring on his ass.

He said, “Hey man, it must really suck to be you.

I’ll be makin’ money, cuz I’m not in Plan II.

And what’s so important about reading the Odyssey?

All I really care about is a bigger salary!”

“Well children,” said Woodruff, with a wink in his eye,

“This Dino was smart, and he gave this reply,

“Wealth and money, cannot be your only goal,

Because you can’t enjoy life if you ain’t got soul!”

And then Lil’ Dino was accosted again,

This time by an LAHer, who was smug with a grin,

“You Plan IIers all think you’re the best,

“But the name says it all, Plan I’s above the rest.”

“But,” Woodruff said, “Lil’ D did not cower,”

He flexed his soul muscle and showed his dinosaur power.

From the top of his lungs, he gave a loud holla,

“Show some respect son, cuz I’m a Plan II balla!”

And then he yelled out, as if was quotin’ the Torah,

“And I know you’re just jealouse, cuz you aint got Scalora!”

“And so children,” explained Woodruff, “that’s just what you say,”

And so the forty acres were back to normal, happy and gay.

And to this very moment, Plan II’s led by a wonderful Prof,

It’s in the very capable hands of the dashing Dr. Stoff.

Now children it may seem wrong, because the judges I might be wooing,

Well then let me be clear, for that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Now the story is at an end; I hope it brought you all delight.

But it’s off to bed now and I wish you all a good night.

Start the Fire (a MS PowerPoint doc)