Lecture Outline for April 25, 1999
Fair Fighting


I. Basic Skills

• A. Editing
  
  1. Determine problem behavior
  2. Decide value of fight
  3. Decide if person can change
  4. Describe the problem
  5. Consequences of change
  
  
• B. Be face sensitive
  
  1. The importance of face
  2. Core face concerns
  3. Individual face concerns
  4. Stepping on face ----seethe inside ----resist ----lash out
  5. How to avoid stepping on face ----figure out people's face concerns ----communicate in non-face threatening ways
     
  
  
• C. Leveling
  
  1. Be clear and specific
  2. Watch assumptions ----intention vs. consequence
  3. Avoid excuses
  4. Be present focused
  5. Don't fear losing
  6. Don't counterattack
     
  
  
• D. Assertiveness
  
  1. Assertiveness vs. Agressiveness
  2. Methods
     • a. "broken record" technique
     • b. don't assume blame
     • c. don't overapologize
     • d. feel free to change
     • e. don't fear "I don't know"
     
     
  3. Responsiveness to assertiveness
     • a. positive
     • b. negative
     • -----1. mumbling/backbiting
     • -----2. aggressiveness
     • -----3. psychosomatic responses
     • -----4. over-apologize
     • -----5. revenge
     • -----6. guilt
       
       
       
      Back