FINAL LEARNING PROJECT



for

EDP 380G

December 3, 1997

TARGET BEHAVIOR

My learning goal for this semester was to develop the basic skills necessary to create a web site using multimedia technologies including graphics and audio in addition to text. At a minimum, this included learning about computer hardware; beginning, intermediate, and advanced HTML; software for image and audio manipulation; and basic issues related to multimedia design, development and production.

My reasons for choosing this goal were multiple. First, it was an opportunity for me to observe my learning in an entirely new arena, which is rather unique at this point in my education. Usually, I undertake learning subjects that are directly related to my area of expertise, so this allowed me to observe my actions and responses in an area where I had little or no background. Second, this was a learning activity in which I would be engaged regardless. Choosing this as my project allowed me to consolidate and intensify my focus and efforts. I realized while writing this paper that this is one of my learning strategies: to work with a topic from as many sides as possible. In this way, I was able to afford myself the opportunity to keep my thoughts and activities operating continuously on many levels while maintaining the focus on multimedia. Third, it presented an examination of a more authentic learning activity. Knowing myself as a learner, I knew that I would be much less motivated to complete this project well if it required that I find a new topic in which I would have to generate interest. Rather, it is more motivating for me to examine something in which I am already interested and involved. If I had chosen to learn to dance (ugh!) or take up a sport or hobby I would have been miserable and would have resented every aspect of this project. Whereas, having chosen this topic, I was happy to engage in the activities and keep a journal. Finally, choosing this as my target aided my time management. The less splintered my activities are, the more productive I can be. Productivity is an essential survival skill for a doctoral student.

INITIAL PLAN

My initial plan was to attend my multimedia classes and labs, attend Team Web courses, read books and periodicals as needed, work with other students as assigned, and work on an actual project.

I developed a detailed outline and timeline for my learning plan, a simplified version of which follows:

My reasons for selecting the strategies were primarily structured by the requirements of the class and suggestions from my instructor. I found myself relying on her input, because I needed something to orient me to this new subject area. She was helpful in suggesting texts and articles for me to read to get started.

I was very happy to have the requirement of a project, because I recognized that this would give me a context in which to make my learning meaningful. It could (and did) provide a concrete arena in which I could apply the concepts and processes about which I would learn. Yet, at the same time, I had never before taken a 'production' type of course, and was not sure about how to be successful in a course that was not primarily lecture and text driven. I felt that I was definitely out of my learning comfort zone. To cope, I drew upon my organizational and time management skills and created a very elaborate timeline for completion of the project, with every detail that I could think of included. Of course, at that point I did not yet even know exactly what I would have to be able to do to complete the project, but I felt reassured that I could accomplish it if I had a plan and a schedule to follow.

I notice that my orientation to working with other students definitely included an 'as required' attitude. I am comfortable working independently and was willing to work with others as expected in the course, but I did not anticipate closely interacting with these students who all had previous experience in technologies and multimedia production. I hated feeling like a novice and that feeling was accentuated while talking with other students, so I minimized that aspect in my initial plan. I felt I would learn this subject with as much independent work as it required.

CHRONOLOGY

Things did not go exactly as I had planned. I knew that I would be dealing with the steep learning curve that is associated with multimedia technology, but I was unprepared for my instructor's reaction to my lack of background knowledge coming into the class. It was discouraging to repeatedly hear about how difficult this subject is to learn, and how detrimental it can be to a career, and how much ground I would have to cover in a short amount of time. I found it to be difficult to do the readings that she suggested because such a high percentage of the words had no meaning for me, and this inhibited my ability to decipher their meanings contextually and comprehend what I had read. At times the ability to metacognitively monitor my reading comprehension only left me realizing how much of the material I did not understand.

I think that this bumpy start gave me a preset to interpret my instructor's comments to me as negative for the entire first month, a topic about which I will discuss in greater depth later. My sense of self-efficacy as a learner sustained my belief that I would be able to learn about this process. I feel fortunate that I brought to this task a history of successful learning. I certainly needed it to support me during those difficult first few weeks. The first several journal entries include references to frustration with words that include: intimidated and overwhelm, and statements like: "I must be out of my mind" and "then reality strikes." This theme reoccurred when I would enter a new level of working with the subject, such as on Oct. 19 when I began writing my own web pages, and Nov. 10 while working on audio and frames. Naturally, I would only move to a new level of difficulty after successfully completing a prerequisite level which was accompanied by feelings of success and jubilation. Consequently the overall picture of my learning has a yo-yo-like quality. Frustration followed by success followed by frustration followed by success.

As an experienced learner I knew that if I used the cognitive strategies of paying attention, looking for the patterns, and actively problem solving, I would begin to develop a referential framework for the vocabulary of the topic. This process actually began to emerge relatively quickly, although at the time, it seemed to take a forever to acquire. My first journal entry that describes this is on September 15, where I stated "I am developing a new lexicon and a new conceptual framework." I recall vividly that for the first time, I was able to follow a class discussion, albeit with much effort. During this time period I felt as if I was hanging by my fingernails.

Since I had an inadequate domain specific prior knowledge base, I adapted my prior knowledge about language development to support my efforts in multimedia. To do this I continually reminded myself that learning a new topic involves learning the language of the topic. Therefore, I knew that with repeated exposure to the referents and their context, and by continuing to expose myself to their use, I would eventually acquire an understanding of the lexicon and that after that I would be able to comprehend what I read, and eventually I would be able to express my own ideas more fluently. My task then became to continue to immerse myself in the topic until the pieces could begin to merge. I combined my general knowledge about learning with my domain specific prior knowledge in an alternate domain to assist my learning in a new domain. This metacognitive strategy sustained my motivation during a time when there seemed to be little reward for my effort.

Overall, however, motivation was not difficult to maintain. Once I began to actually write my own web pages I was quickly being positively reinforced for my efforts. (-and I use that term precisely!) The immediate and visual results served to increase my desire stay engaged in the process and to learn and create ever more complicated products. In addition, the almost self calibrating level of challenge inherent in writing HTML kept me perpetually engrossed. Several journal entries refer to large amounts of time that disappeared into this activity. Csikzentmihalyi would probably say that with the right balance of challenge and ability I was often stepping into a state of "flow" where my skills could develop in a state of maximal engagement.

Three additional major developments occurred for me during the learning process. I experienced a new learning strategy, a shift in perception, and clarification of my definition of learning. I will discuss each of these briefly before moving to the next section of this paper.

Initially I was intent upon learning independently. This has been a highly efficient learning strategy for me in the past and I intended to continue to learn this way. I knew that the class would contain interactions with other learners, but I anticipated that it would constitute only a minor part of my learning activities. To my surprise I suddenly realized that my zest for answers and insights was prompting me to ask questions of many different people. When there was something I didn't understand I asked whomever I could find. I recall that initially I did this to find out what 'CGI' meant, see September 10's journal entry, and I felt very awkward and self-conscious. But on November 5, I suddenly realized that I had developed the ability to use question asking as a learning strategy. Furthermore, I was enjoying it. I must admit that I was startled when I realized that I had been developing this skill, entirely unconsciously, as a by-product of my desire and effort. I was also then lead to examine how resistant I had been to asking questions in the past. I've been reluctant to ask questions of my teachers, for fear that they would think less of me, and, for the most part, I've been the answerer of questions for my peers. Asking questions was an interesting and enjoyable new development in my experience as a learner. The best part was that I was having fun with it. It didn't threaten me anymore, and people seemed to really enjoy talking about things with me. I could begin to envision using this strategy in the future for different subjects. It is, however, a little embarrassing to have reached this age without having used this strategy effectively in the past.

I also experienced an increase in my ability to be a self-regulated learner when I realized that I could influence my motivational level by recognizing that I am at choice about how I perceive the intents of others. In other words, when I realized that my attributions impacted my emotions and motivation and, further, that I could choose a new explanation for the actions of others, I became a happier learner. On October 6th I wrote:

"I'm also allowing for the possibility that my instructor intends to convey a message to me that is along the lines of: you've selected something that is not beyond your reach, you've judged appropriately and will be able to complete this task as stated. I'm not exactly sure this was her intent, but it seems to me that if she really thought my project was not complicated enough, she would say that and encourage me to go deeper into the subject. Her other actions to date are more consistent with me being on track."

Prior to this revelation, I had been engaged in an internal struggle that included believing that my instructor thought that I was performing inadequately. This was in large part a vestige of my lack of prior knowledge when I entered the class. One beneficial aspect of this struggle was that I became very clear about my desire to learn the subject matter for my own sake rather than to perform for someone else as noted at the end of my September 10th journal entry. However, on the whole, my negative interpretation of my instructor's remarks exacted a toll on my emotional response to the subject. When I recognized that my interpretive choice was open, I took greater control of my learning experience.

At one point early in this semester, I remember wondering how one knows that learning is occurring. Figuring that it was one of life's unanswerable questions, I did not loose any sleep over it and promptly let that cognitive space be claimed by some other topic. That is, until I was further along in the learning project. On October 22, I wrote that I suddenly realized that I had been "only focusing on amassing knowledge. For the most part, I have been accepting most information as 'the truth' and I have not been critically analyzing much of it." I realized then that the acquisition of critical thinking within a specific domain could constitute evidence of learning in progress. Further reflecting on my learning, I can also say that I think evidence of my learning existed when I began to determine for myself what I needed to know next, and found it. As Zimmerman says, self-regulated learning must involve choices and control of resources. My journal provided black and white evidence of my learning in progress as it documented my movement into self-regulation. At the beginning of the semester, I was only too happy to have the instructor point me in what I hoped would be the right direction, but soon I began to find my own answers and resources. On November 19, I made an observation that exemplified both taking control of my own learning and using critical analysis within the domain when I described selecting a JavaScript book. I remember how it struck me, after I purchased the book, how much I had learned in a short amount of time. I had learned, and had completed an activity of which I would have previously been incapable of performing. I enjoyed a new sense of competence where I had once felt inadequate.

Final Analysis

While there was, naturally, a significant amount of content to be learned in this task, I was primarily engaged in the learning of a new skill. As such, my experience and journal is replete with evidence of social cognitive learning theory in action. Although my preference is for independent learning of content, I made extensive use of social models while learning multimedia production. In my journal entry of September 25, I reflected on my preference for learning this process through live observation and interaction as practiced in the Team Web courses. Contrary to the mode of direct imitation, as is included in the courses taught in the Student Microcomputing Facility, I found that I processed information much deeper by watching an expert, listening to their explanations, taking notes, and asking questions rather than by actively manipulating the computer during the class. For me it seemed that if I was expected to participate in a monkey see - monkey do format, my attention could not be directed to constructing a meaningful and unified representation of the entire process and, consequently I would be left with numerous pieces of information to keep track of without an infrastructure to help organize them. It may be that this is partially reflective of my initial novice status, in that perhaps a basal level of information may need to be available to the learner in order to meaningfully participate beyond the level of observation. On the other hand, it could underscore the validity of social learning theory's distinction between learning and performance in that, for me, the acquisition of a mental model was more important than opportunities to perform the behavior. Performance did not necessarily equate with learning and at critical times could hinder my learning process.

For me, Vygotskian theory of social transmission of knowledge and enculturation appeared to be alive and well during my learning experience. Initially, I relied heavily on my instructor to scaffold my learning by providing resources and direction. Through her guidance, I looked to numerous sources for models and additional scaffolding until I developed skills that could support my learning. I literally took the examples provided by live models and internalized them, recalling them to guide me though later practice until I could perform the actions and sequences independently. As my ability increased, my need for live scaffolding lessened and the types of information that I found useful increased. Where initially I found live models to be much more useful than text, I later learned more complex material such as JavaScripting via entirely printed resources. Initially, however, having real people with which to interact accelerated my learning rate.

My journal entry of September 25 also highlights the fact that I learned not just the content of the lesson by observing experts, but also much tacit knowledge. I seemed to learn qualitative aspects, like how to judge how long a process should take, what it should look like, what to do if I made a mistake, how I would know if I had made one, etc., by osmosis when in the company of experts engaged in the process. In this respect, many of my experiences were like a cognitive apprenticeship and I benefited greatly from watching more knowledgeable persons in action. I learned a lot by being able to watch Team Web instructors actively reason through questions and situations posed by the learners that were present. I was tempted, although constrained by time factors, to attend repeat sessions on the same topics because I recognized that my return on investment was maximized in this format.

Along a similar vein, my learning process took a significant leap forward after having the opportunity to actively watch two separate experts debug my web pages. I was immeasurably helped by watching the problem solving strategies of these two experts on November 11th. In fact, on November 15th I wrote that "my ability to find problems and reason my way out of them has shifted to a new level" as a result of this experience. I think that three factors influenced the intensity of my learning during this experience. First, the experts did not immediately have the answer. They literally had to reason through it in front of me, which allowed me to witness the strategies that they used. Second, the problem involved my own web pages, a subject with which I was thoroughly familiar. I did not have to spend any cognitive energy becoming acquainted with the context of the problem, and could focus all of my attention on the problem solving process. Finally, it helped to change my image of an expert in multimedia from 'someone who knows everything' to 'someone who can figure it out by efficiently using resources.' In the end, actually, neither of the experts could fix my problems that day, but rather they made suggestions that pointed me in the right direction to correct the problem myself. It is my firm opinion that novice learners acquire much more than content knowledge by having access to expert knowledge. For me, the most valuable aspect of these brief cognitive apprenticeships was being able to witness expert thinking in action.

Situated learning and situated motivation are also theoretical constructs that were woven throughout my learning experience. By working on a specific multimedia project that had meaning to me, I had a purpose for learning the content and a context in which to apply what I was learning via text and example. Having to develop and design an entire site to meet a specific purpose provided a legitimate reason to learn about file formats and interface design along with other topics that would not ordinarily have relevance for me. Suddenly, managing a large number of files made site architecture take priority in my thinking in way that merely hearing it explained could not. Even my initial plan reflected my desire to maintain situational motivation as reflected in my very choice of the learning project goal. Although I have acquired the ability to learn effectively in decontextualized situations, having had the experience of being fully immersed in situated learning underscores for me the value of authentic learning experiences. I also want to state that my sense of ownership and pride with regard to what I have learned feels greater as a result of learning this process in a situated learning context. It has been a long time since I have felt such a sense of accomplishment as a result of my efforts.

Mastery versus performance learning and the level of information processing were additional learning issues that were highlighted during my experience. Given my initial lack of prior knowledge in this area, and my sense of overwhelm as I undertook the process, I had to take a serious look at what I hoped to achieve and why I wanted to achieve it. I had to come to terms with the fact that learning for the sake of performance was not realistic and examine whether I was truly learning for the sake of mastery. That being confirmed, I could move ahead and, as a result, I could use my entire being to swim in these deep waters. I think that I processed the information more deeply as a result of desiring to know the subject for the sake of knowing it versus performing for a grade or the approval of others. That is not to say, however, that I did not enjoy receiving acknowledgment from others about my progress. I drank it in with delight and allowed it to reinforce my hard work. I think also that the depth of my processing was influenced by my lack of prior knowledge. Ironically, this absence of a foundational knowledge base lead me to be more actively involved in the learning process. To compensate, I had to focus my attention, increase my learning effort and seek alternative means of understanding the material and processes. As a result, I probably processed more information deeply, although the required effort to do so was quite high.

Self-regulation of learning also appeared to be a major theme of my experience. Perhaps that could have been predicted, had I known about self-regulation theory prior to this class, as a corollary of the graduate school experience. It is probably a frustrated doctoral student who does not have a well developed ability and desire to regulate their own learning. For me this was one of the most pleasurable aspects of the learning project. I found out that being involved in a production based course means truly taking charge of what you want to learn and how you're going to learn it. This project required moment by moment monitoring of what I did and did not understand, and making a multitude of choices about the learning strategies that I would employ over time. I had to actively decide how I would begin, proceed, respond, and revise, up to and including deciding when I was finished. It was an exhilarating process, but not for the faint of heart. I think self-regulation of learning is itself a process that has to be learned incrementally over time. Ironically, modeling and scaffolding could be highly desirable means of learning this process: learning to regulate self through others. Examining metacognition can take on a hall of mirrors effect, which makes it even more interesting.

While numerous aspects of the learning experience captured my attention, two in particular are likely to be influential in my own work as an instructional designer. Those are: the influence of prior knowledge, and the importance of expert models. While my previous opinion was that increased prior knowledge is beneficial, I now have an expanded awareness of its role. As a result, I now hold that perhaps limited prior knowledge is not necessarily a detriment. However, recognizing a lack of prior knowledge and actively structuring the learning process accordingly is vital. This impacts my view of novice learners of language development theory. It has been my experience in the past that students who have prior experience with children, whether those children are offspring, much younger siblings, relatives or friends, have a much easier time grasping the concepts involved in language acquisition. I attributed this to the students having more experiential referents available for recall and connecting to the instructional concepts. However, I now believe that I could support students who do not have this prior knowledge by providing additional exposure to examples of children's abilities at differing ages.

In addition, this learning project deepened my conviction that access to models who function at a higher level than the learner provides opportunities for the learner to acquire skills, abilities and attributes that are far more extensive than the content that is overtly covered. Access to experts assists learners in developing reasoning, problem-solving and attitudinal factors that are the hallmark of expert abilities. This strengthens my desire to explore multimedia technologies in support of providing novice learners access to expert models in order to facilitate the acquisition of domain specific skills.

Learning Journal

EDP 380G

Fall 97

1997

8-27

For my psych of human learning class we need to undertake learning something new, and keep a journal about it. I want to journal about learning to do multimedia computer projects. I have heard that there is a steep learning curve involved and I think this will give me the opportunity to chronicle my activities in a more unusual set of learning circumstances. It will definitely be undertaking a new type of learning for me. I'm excited about being able to add another level of depth to this project.

9-2

I am out of my mind to be taking this course in multimedia production. The other students in the course have all taken a previous course on multimedia so in addition to the normal steep learning curve, I have to "catch up" as my prof puts it. Yikes. I feel intimidated about the whole thing. The book she said to use to catch up is not available in bookstores. The majority of the other students are paleontologists who are working on a virtual museum...and I don't even know how to begin to use the PowerPoint program on my desktop. I tried to install my new EndNote 2 software and can't get it to work. What makes me think I should learn to do multimedia? I know that it is vital for my related field, but I'm making myself do the equivalent of jumping from cave drawings to typewriters. Sometimes I wish I weren't so drawn to learning challenges.

9-3

My instructor seems kind of taken back by my lack of background in this area. She was not very encouraging, emphasizing how much time this takes and how many people's careers are hindered by involvement in it because it is not yet accepted as viable university work. She has given me more reading, plus software and web sites to review. Overwhelm. I still feel positive about doing it, but it feels like I'm the only one who is positive about me doing it.

9-10

I'm reading more about computers than I ever thought I would (and making [-some-] sense of it.) I think constantly about different aspects of my computer, how it works, what I will do for a multimedia project and how I will do it. I spend hours on end in front of my screen trying to figure out the basics of transporting files and examining examples of multimedia. Huge chunks of time are consumed and I barely notice. I am engrossed. Perhaps I have been swallowed up by my computer screen, or fallen into it like Alice into Wonderland. I'm attending short courses on publishing on the web to try to get up to speed. Educated guessing and plain old trial and error seem to be learning routes in this realm. Someone asked me yesterday what a CGI was...I couldn't rest until I found out. (It's a Common Gateway Interface, used for dynamically created web pages as a means of interfacing with databases.)

I got an email today from my (new) major professor (since my previous one left to take a chair position at another university) after he looked at a case history template I had made for his web pages. He said I was a very fast learner. I read it several times as a means of reinforcing myself. On the one hand I very much want him to know that I am bright and capable, and I want to know that he thinks highly of me. On the other hand, there were many hours of work put into that product in a short time span, and I hope he doesn't think that I will always be able to devote so many resources to continue to learn and create so quickly. It seems that I was both reinforced by the praise and put myself under more pressure with it. Hmmm....I think I see the pattern of an over achiever emerging.

I can tell from my internal state and my actions that I am involved in this learning for the purpose of mastery rather than performance. It's not that I don't care about what grade I get in the course, I just don't see how I will be able to get an A, when I am so far behind everyone else. Yet, I'm dedicated to learning as much as I can while I have the opportunity, for the purpose of being able to understand this medium and explore it's potential in my field. Impressing my multimedia professors isn't even a possibility. I'm doing this solely for myself and my own betterment.

9-15

I'm developing a new lexicon and a new conceptual framework for multimedia production. I can keep up during class discussions about compression factors, file formats, and decision implications. Sometimes I think I'm doing very well. Then reality strikes, like when I saw another student's product from last semester and it blew my socks off. I wasn't envisioning something so complicated for my project. Oh my. My thinking about the subject is still so limited. It is hard to be truly creative when I'm just trying to get oriented. It would be like trying to keep up with a native speaker of a foreign language while still trying to conjugate the verb "to be." Yikes.

9-17

From learning to write very basic html code a week ago to today reading articles on image processing and video production and embedding video on web pages. Phew it goes quickly. It feels as if there is no logical chain of basic, intermediate, and advanced subjects to be learned in any particular order. It's all intermeshed. Kind of like the Internet itself: everything is out there all at once, scoop up a handful, learn what you can, then scoop up another handful. It's a decidedly different approach to learning than the sequential academic orientation with which I am familiar.

9-25

Although I am using multiple avenues to learn this multimedia production (independent reading, trial and error, exploration of the Internet, class and lab) I notice that I am very drawn to the Team Web courses as a means of learning HTML. Almost invariably the instructor says "most of what we talk about today can be found on the Web at UT's home page under learning to publish." It's true, so I have been pondering why do I go out of my way, literally designing my day around these courses when it would be more convenient to read this on my own. I think it has to do with my preference to learn through observing. I learn much more than the technical information contained in print when I can watch someone else design, create or manipulate with computers. I feel more secure about what I do on my own in this foreign topic if I have first seen someone else do the process. I think that I learn, not just the exact information, but I also have a chance to become familiar with the general process: what it should or could look like, how long something should take, what to do if I make a mistake. I also notice that I learn from the questions that other students ask. I may not have thought of a connection that they do, and the input is really valuable to me. Recently I've become much more comfortable with asking my own questions and engaging in dialogues about the process. I have even found myself being able to provide information in response to questions that the instructor didn't have at that moment. I feel as if I am learning a lot! Social cognitive learning theory in action.

I think this is a general tendency for me also. I like to learn through observing others and I don't want to risk performing, particularly in front of others, until I feel I have a grip on the subject or task. When I do something I want to do it well, and I will spend energy gathering and planning in order to be able to complete the task efficiently.

Last Monday, in lab we discussed our projects. The instructor doesn't seem to think that my plan is very ambitious. "Your plan is not really involved." I think she wants it to be more interactive on the user end. The content of the web site doesn't lend itself to lots of interaction, so I feel frustrated. Also, I feel as if what may not look like much to her because she is so familiar with the entire process and all of the options. To me this feels like a huge undertaking because every bit of it is new to me. It is discouraging. I'm devoting excessive amounts of time and energy on this project and she thinks I'm doing just a little thing.

10-2

I am learning in an entirely different milieu. Learning to be an SLP is a very formalized process: accredited programs, clinical processes, exams, certifications ad nauseam. Here I am learning by trial and error, hands-on exploration and attending informal courses where sitting in the audience with me are the people who are teaching the courses and guest lecturing in my multimedia course. The whole area is so fluid and evolving that even the people who are on the cutting edge are not out of reach. It is amazing to watch the development unfold before me even as a beginning learner. Wow. I wonder if this is what it was like in other disciplines before they became solidified by becoming academic areas: before curricular decisions were made, syllabi written and licensure granted. Is this what it was like to get together with the first slp's and develop coding systems for language samples?

10-6-97

Class and lab were canceled today which gave me the opportunity to go to another Team Web class that was offered at a conflicting time. I also have read another book over the weekend. This one was about creating third generation web sites. It has revised my entire thinking. I guess it must have altered my schema for this. As a result I have redesigned the web site. Much time in learning and planning so far.

I'm also allowing for the possibility that my instructor intends to convey a message to me that is along the lines of: you've selected something that is not beyond your reach, you've judged appropriately and will be able to complete this task as stated. I'm not exactly sure this was her intent, but it seems to me that if she really thought my project was not complicated enough, she would say that and encourage me to go deeper into the subject. Her other actions to date are more consistent with me being on track.

10-10

JavaScript: As if there wasn't already enough to know about! Every time I think I've got a grip on something, I open the door to something else and I'm starting over feeling lost again. I guess that's all part of learning. The only way to get somewhere new is to be stepping out into places you've never been before.

So far I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much because all of my time is spent learning and planning, and I have this project looming large before me with a due date. I guess that's kind of like a regular class: study and examine the theory for the first part of the semester and then produce a paper at the end. But, because this is a production course and I need to have a complicated product completed at the end, I feel a little uncertain about my ability to pull this off. I also know that the whole production process is fraught with unforeseen pitfalls, and the controlling and organizing part of myself is getting worried about everything that could go wrong. I want it to be finished already. My goodness I am impatient and compulsive.

10-16

Hey! I AM learning something after all! Today I met with my prof to discuss many issues related to the multimedia project, including my latest design. I surprised myself with what come out of my mouth to talk about, question, discuss and decide. It's making sense and coming together.

10-19

ARG!! *&^#%$&*^@%#*@&^ I want to quit all of this nonsense. It is time consuming and filled with millions of minute details that will foul up a perfectly good process. Making progress is like pulling teeth. There is too much to know and always more questions that need answers and more details that have to be taken care of. I don't have enough time for this. I'm frustrated and way too pressed for time.

10-22

I had an experience today that made me stop to take a look at my own learning in this area. I was talking with a more experienced peer about html code and limitations to publishing on the web. This person started talking about a technique that was developed by someone whose book I had read. I thought the technique was fairly ingenious, but my colleague thought that it was lousy because it does not cross browser versions well and so it winds up being limited to mainstream, high end users. That had never even occurred to me, which made me realize that I have been in such early stages of learning that I've only been focusing on amassing knowledge. For the most part, I have been accepting most information as "the truth" and I have not been critically analyzing much of it except for how it applies to my own little project and world. Sigh. Even as a doctoral student, I'm sucked back to the beginning stages. Oh well, it's a good experience for me to once again be in this position.

I think too that there is something valid in the idea of emotions being intricately connected with learning. I have engaged in many learning adventures because I like the emotional charge from overcoming a challenge. I know also that when the learning process is bumpy that my emotions reflect it (and sometimes if I'm feeling out of sorts, my emotions can impede my learning.) A few days ago, previous entry, it was very difficult for me to make progress. However, by last night when, after many hours, I had completed the mock ups of all of the windows for each page of the web site, I felt happy, successful and satisfied with my emerging abilities.

10-24

I met with my prof today to review the site maps and the page mock ups. He liked them. It felt great to get his approval.

10-26

On Thursday at 11 PM I got an email from my teacher asking if I would please move my 1 1/2 hour presentation from Nov. 3 to tomorrow. I agreed and then on Friday afternoon she said she thought I should do my presentation as a web site. So I have spent every minute this weekend writing a 15 file web site to support my presentation tomorrow. I am exhausted. BUT, I amazed myself with how I could design and build this site logically and skillfully. When things didn't look the way I thought they would when I saw them, I could go in and fix the code so that they did look the way I wanted. I have learned a lot!

10-29

I met with a design specialist today to review my page mock-ups. I explained my decisions about the site plan and navigation. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I was able to do this and also when she made comments about how well thought out and constructed the site was. She suggested that I create an author page rather than cite the authors on the home page, which I will do. I feel like I am getting somewhere.

11-2

I wrote code all weekend. It seemed like only a couple of hours except that I'm exhausted. Details don't work. Some pages have had to be revised. I don't like the new layouts as well. I am frustrated, tired and perplexed. I will ask for help tomorrow during lab.

11-3.

Bad news: no solutions for the problems I've encountered. I will have to continue to experiment or design around them.

11-4

Made lots of progress hour after hour from early in the morning until 3 p.m. I was able to pull together three templates that I had been working on, got them all to run well and look great, and used them to mend three links on my prof's site that have been broken forever. Then I hit a brick wall and no longer wanted to sit at the computer, write one more line, or think about one more thing. This is unusual for me. I went to the botanical gardens to get some fresh air and read non-computer topics. I don't think Maslow's hierarchy of needs fits here...unless there is a physiological need for relaxation. Actually, I have been pushing so hard for so long on this project that it could be that I truly needed rest and have been ignoring the earlier signs.

11-5

Today, I'm back at it. Seeking ways around the obstacles. Pushing the limit of what I know. I've found out that some of the ideas I've had for getting around the obstacles are not possible. Continuing challenge. Time spent working flies by.

I now see my learning project as having three phases: immersion in the concepts, actually doing it and then doing it perfectly (revising/editing/debugging). I am in the second phase and want to be able to do it perfectly NOW. I am buried in writing the doing part. I find myself asking lots of different people lots of questions lately. This is a different learning strategy for me. Usually I find the answer out on my own or develop a close relationship with someone with whom I then explore a topic. Not now. I'm asking all kinds of questions to all kinds of people. It's not as scary as I imagined it would be and people love to tell you what they know.

I think I am highly motivated to learn this multimedia process because it always provides a challenge with immediate feedback. It is so versatile. No matter what level you're at, you can produce something and there's always another interesting feature to learn.

Also, I think I enjoy learning this because it involves complexly creating something that is concrete (sort of). In my profession I'm so involved in abstractions: I can hypothesize what I think is the problem with a child's language development. I can work to facilitate development of the child's functioning and to support other's in doing the same. But it is all a very abstract and protracted process with results that are measured abstractly. Multimedia, on the other hand, I can see what I've created immediately, if it doesn't work, there's usually an identifiable problem, and when I am finished I can actually see and hear the results. I think this is the same reason that I like to bake, except I can substitute tasting for hearing the results.

11-10

I brought my current pages into the lab today. My tables are NOT working right and my sound doesn't work either. I'd tried everything that I could think of but my pages still won't work. My instructor didn't know what was wrong, so we asked two different computer guys for help. One explained to me how I had constructed all of my tables wrong. I wrote them to be too complex and the browser doesn't know how to interpret them. Sigh. I will have to reconstruct every page. After working very hard the other guy left me with a suggestion about my sound files to try. Sigh. It's an uphill battle. Nothing to do except do it.

11-11

Success! I was able to correct my sound files. :-) !!! Happy day. It works. Now I think I can cope with reconstructing all of the other pages in order to address the other problem. No time to write a longer message, I want to get back at it.

11-15

I reconfigured my tables. The pages look great. THEN I started connecting links and found out that there are problems with my nested frames! But, I read some resources that I had on hand and figured it out. I've corrected the problem and now the most complex part of my site is working properly. I feel like I've really accomplished something! My ability to find problems and reason my way out of them has shifted to a new level. I think this is because of the process of having to find and fix last week's problems. It really helped to be able to work side by side with a computer expert and step through the problem-solving together. Being able to watch someone else find problems and analyze them helped me to develop a conceptual framework for how the pages should function and how to approach problems. I feel competent as a learner now that I've been able to encounter a problem on my own and solve it.

11-17

I brought my new web pages back to lab. My instructor is very pleased with how far I've come in my ability in 12 weeks. (From zero to creating a complex site, not bad.) It felt great to hear the praise! Now that there is evidence of how large this site will be, we are looking at issues of site architecture in addition to fine tuning details like subtleties of color etc. Best to get these issues resolved before moving forward with adding more content. I spoke with a person who specializes in digital video and audio today about future steps, and I made an appointment to meet with the interface designer again. The last time I saw her I had only made the page mock-ups, so it will be interesting to see what she has to say to the actual pages. I also bought a book today on javaScripting. I need to know more about this. Onward and upward. (I also found out that a guy in my class who seemed light years ahead of me has just bought the same book I chose and is also trying to learn javaScript. I guess I'm holding my own.)

11-19

I was talking today to another guy, who seemed light years ahead of me, and out of the blue he said that he is wanting to learn javaScript. So I recommended the book that I had used, which was ironic because he introduced me to the book's series. He was very excited to know that the series had a javaScript book, and that it was good. I feel like my position as a learner has shifted. I am no longer a novice. I have moved to an intermediate level. In fact, I noticed the other day while selecting a javaScript book, that I was picking up intermediate level books and could critically evaluate whether it would be helpful to me. In addition, while talking today with this guy, I found myself able to interact and converse about issues and resources competently, and in a way that I couldn't have even a month ago.

My instructor's advice was that I not do anything else to my site until I meet with the design specialist. I have been using the time to do other things, but today I must admit that I began work on a revision to a page. I had just the right amount of time and access to do it and I didn't want the opportunity to slip away since the pressure of the semester's end is bearing down. I will pay for it a little I know, but I feel fairly confident that I have a solid plan for the site architecture so I don't think I will loose much ground as a result of the work I did today. Tomorrow will tell.

11-20

Today I met with the design consultant again, this time about my site architecture. She approved my plan and so I can go forward with revamping the site in order to provide it with a sustainable infrastructure. She too had praise for how far I've come this semester. I enjoyed hearing this. It feels great to get reinforced from human beings.

The really big news is that today I wrote my first javaScript. That sounds like such a simple statement, but it stands for breaking through many hours of confusion and frustration. For me it was harder than learning straight html because I didn't really have a model to look at in either the static noun sense or the dynamic verb sense. It has taken me quite a while just to figure out what javaScript is! In fact I have a better sense of what it is after having written the script. I'd asked several people, and had taken a Team Web class in it, but what I'd been exposed to just confused me more...too many words were used for which I didn't have meaningful referents yet. I think I couldn't get the referents until I actually moved through the process of scripting. JavaScript is less transparent than html, so it is more difficult to read it as a source of modeling, as I had done much of with html. Actually, javaScripting is deeper than I intended to go with my learning project.

11-22

This morning I was able to offer an explanation of what javaScript is to someone who was unfamiliar with it. I used live examples from one of my personal web pages in addition to my words and we actively looked for javaScript examples on a site he visits daily. I think it was a relevant learning opportunity for him and hopefully the idea of javaScript now has some meaning attached to it for him.

Although my learning in this area will continue, and the web site project will require many more hours of work before it will be placed on the Internet, I am declaring my learning project officially complete. If I learn nothing more from this point forward, I would be able to produce the multimedia web site.

Naturally, that will not be the case. Over the last two days I have been intensively collecting video and audio data for another case study. All of that data will need to be reduced and processed and I am certain that there will learning involved for me. But I was able to capture the data with a working knowledge of the factors relevant to digitizing, and could make judgments weighing the technological concerns as they interfaced with the specialized needs within my field. I'm confident that we have captured data that will eventually serve learners in my field well, and while there is much more to learn and much more work to be done, I have lived through the daunting part of learning multimedia production.

I feel I have been successful. :-)

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