Frequently Asked Questions
If you have any additional questions or concerns, please feel free to send us an email.
FAQ for family and friends of LGBTQ people
What do I do if someone comes out to me? How can I support my LGBTQ loved one?
Learning that a loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is a journey of self-discovery for you. It can send you on an emotional roller coaster ride. You may feel like you have lost a loved one. Remember that this person is the same one that you loved before they came out to you - they have just shared another part of themselves with you. Feelings of grief, guilt and denial are common. Whatever your reaction, try to reassure your loved one that they still have your love. PFLAG offers local support and education to help with that process, see www.pflag-austin.org.
What causes homosexuality?
Perhaps a better question is "What determines sexual orientation?" (i.e. heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality). The factors that determine sexual orientation are complex. There is a growing understanding that human beings have a basic sexuality that can be expressed in a variety of relationships: homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual. The distinctions between these categories are fluid and may overlap. Although the causes are not known, some researchers believe that one's basic sexual orientation is predisposed at birth. Others believe sexual orientation is a choice. While someone's sexual orientation may not be recognized or acknowledged for many years, once established, they tend not to change.
How are sexual orientation and gender identity determined?
No one knows exactly how sexual orientation and gender identity determined. However, experts agree that it is a complicated matter of genetics, biology, psychological and social factors. For many people, sexual orientation and gender identity are shaped at any early age. While research has not determined a cause, homosexuality and gender variance are not the result of any one factor like parenting or past experiences.
Is it the parent's fault if their child is gay?
It is never anyone's "fault" if they or their loved one grows up to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. If you are asking yourself why you or your loved one is LGBTQ, consider asking yourself another question: Why ask why? Does your response to a LGBTQ person depend on knowing why they are LGBTQ? Regardless of cause, LGBTQ people deserve equal rights and to be treated fairly.
Is there something wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
No. There have been people in all cultures and times throughout human history who have identified themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Homosexuality is not an illness or a disorder, a fact that is agreed upon by both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association. Homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Pyschiatric Association in 1974. Being transgender or gender variant is not a disorder either, although Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID) is still listed in the DSM of the American Pyschiatric Association.
Is being LGBTQ normal?
Each culture defines what is "natural" or "normal" to fit it's own context. Definitions differ. Historians have determined that homosexuality has existed since the beginning of humanity. Anthropologists report that LGBTQ people have been part of every culture. LGBTQ people are represented in every socioeconomic class, educational level, and race. Homosexual behavior is often criticized because it doesn't result in procreation. In fact, most heterosexual encounters don't result in births either, and relationships of all sexual orientations may have children.
When do LGBTQ people first know?
There is no set age at which a person becomes aware they are LGBTQ. Some gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual people become aware of their identity during adolescence or earlier. People can realize their sexual orientation and gender identity at any point during their lives. Because of strong societal pressures to be heterosexual and fit into established gender norms, some people don't identify as gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual until later in life.
How do people know they are LGBTQ?
Some people say that they have "felt different" or knew they were attracted to people of the same sex from the time they were very young. Some transgender people talk about feeling from an early age that their gender identity did not match parental and social expectations. Others do not figure out their sexual orientation or gender identity until they are adolescents or adults. Often it can take a while for people to put a label to their feelings, or people's feelings may change over time. Understanding our sexuality and gender can be a life-long process, and people shouldn't worry about labeling themselves right away. People don't have to be sexually active to know their sexual orientation - feelings and emotions are as much a part of one's identity. The short answer is that you'll know when you know.
Can LGBTQ people change their sexual orientation or gender identity?
There are religious and secular organizations that sponsor campaigns and studies that say LGBTQ people can change their sexual orientation or gender identity. Their assertions assume that there is something wrong with being. PFLAG believes that it is our anti-GLBT attitudes, laws and policies that need to change, not our GLBT loved ones.
Many of the studies and campaigns are based on ideological bias rather than solid science. Claims of conversion from gay to straight tend to be poorly documented, full of flawed research with a lack of follow-up. No studies show proven long-term changes in LGBTQ people, and many reported changes are based solely on behavior and not a person's actual self-identity. The American Psychological Association has stated that scientific evidence does not show that conversion therapy works and that it can do more harm than good.
Can you tell if people are LGBTQ by their appearance?
Lesbian, gay, and bi people are as varied in their dress, mannerisms, and lifestyles as are heterosexuals. Despite this diversity, many stereotypes persist about the effeminate man or masculine woman. Although some gay people reflect these characteristics, the overwhelming majority of lesbians and gay men do not conform to these stereotypes, and their sexual orientation is invisible to the general public.
Do lesbians or gay men hate the opposite sex?
Lesbians are lesbians because they form loving relationships with women, and gay men are gay because they form loving relationships with men. Neither form relationships because they hate the opposite sex.
Do lesbians and gay men want to be the opposite sex?
Lesbians and gay men do not want to be the opposite sex. Within the gay community, there are many people who have challenged and discarded stereotypical gender roles but that does not mean they are trying to be the other sex. Being gay, lesbian or bisexual involves celebration and affirmation of one's sex, not a rejection of it. Some people confuse gayness with transsexuality.
Why are LGBTQ people so blatant?
LGBTQ people are often accused of being blatant (wearing buttons, marching in gay rights marches, talking and writing about homosexuality, holding hands in public, etc.) Our culture teaches that the only acceptable way to be gay is to be silent or invisible ("in the closet"). Any openness about LGBTQ identity is labeled "blatant" or as "flaunting it". "Blatant" heterosexuality is rarely questioned (media, entertainment, and other institutional practices such as asking for spousal benefits and hospital visiting rights). In society, the assumption of heterosexuality is so strong that unless one proclaims lesbianism, gayness, or bisexuality, heterosexuality is assumed. To avoid being perceived as heterosexual, "coming out" is often a necessity.
Is homosexuality healthy?
Beginning with UCLA's Dr. Evelyn Hooker's work, studies have shown that people's sexual orientation has no bearing on their mental health and emotional stability. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the official listings of psychiatric disorders. In 1975, the American Psychological Association adopted a similar resolution.
What about HIV/AIDS?
Since the onset of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, many people have viewed HIV/AIDS as a gay issue. The LGBTQ community mobilized early in the epidemic to formulate a response that included educating communities, creating visibility to reduce stigma, developing prevention strategies and advocating for appropriate care and treatment options for People Living with AIDS (PWAs). Yet the epidemic has continued to progress and take its toll on many communities globally. Still, despite overwhelming statistics documenting the spread of HIV/AIDS in other communities, many people still choose to view HIV/AIDS as a gay issue.
The truth is that being LGBTQ does not give you AIDS. Certain sexual practices, certain drug use behaviors and other factors can put you at risk for catching HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
HIV is spread by sexual contact with an infected person, by sharing needles and/or syringes (primarily for drug injection) with someone who is infected, or, less commonly (and now very rarely in countries where blood is screened for HIV antibodies), through transfusions of infected blood or blood clotting factors. Babies born to HIV-infected women may become infected during birth or through breast-feeding after birth. While research has revealed a great deal of valuable information, false or misleading information, often fueled by homophobia, continues to be shared widely through the Internet or popular press, so be sure to consider the source when educating yourself about HIV/AIDS.
How can I reconcile my or my loved one's sexual orientation with my faith?
This is a difficult question for many people. Learning that a loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender can be a challenge if you feel it is at odds with your faith tradition. However, being LGBTQ does not impact a person's ability to be moral and spiritual any more than being heterosexual does. Many LGBTQ people are religious and active in their own faith communities. It is up to you to explore, question and make choices in order to reconcile religion with homosexuality and gender variance.
Do LGBTQ people have long-lasting relationships?
Longstanding relationships are common. However, because of the social stigma expressed against LGBTQ people, these partnerships are often invisible.
Can LGBTQ people have families?
Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people can have families. Same-sex couples do form committed and loving relationships. More and more LGBTQ couples are also raising children together, although state laws on adoption and foster parenting vary. And of course, many LGBTQ people have the support of the loving families they were born into, or the families that they have created with their other friends and loved ones.
Won't gay parents make their kids gay?
Research has shown that children of lesbian or gay parents are no more likely to become gay or lesbian than children of heterosexual parents. Gays, lesbians and bisexuals are just as likely to be good parents as heterosexuals. Of course, children growing up in non-traditional families may face a certain amount of social prejudice. Fewer and fewer children are growing up in two-parent, heterosexual, nuclear families and lesbian and gay families are one of the many forms of diverse families that exist.
What does the term "queer" mean?
The word "queer" is not embraced by all gay people. It is true that many have chosen to reclaim this once derogatory label for all LGBTQ people, while some use the word to designate only those in the community who are political activists. However, there are other gay people who dislike the word "queer" and resent its use. Additionally, terms such as "dyke" and "fag" can be used in insulting derogatory ways, but have been reclaimed by many as terms of pride. This is just one more example of the diversity of opinions within the community.
Why should people be informed about LGBTQ issues?
Becoming informed about LGBTQ issues helps reduce heterosexism and homophobia. This makes it easier for one to live a more open and productive life in their work and home communities. The culture as a whole is therefore enriched. For LGBTQ youth, who are more likely to experience depression and rejection by friends and/or family, acceptance and understanding could be a matter of life or death. The risk of suicide in LGBTQ adolescents is two to three times greater than of their straight counterparts.
Should LGBTQ people be banned from certain jobs?
No. Sexual orientation does not affect one's job qualifications or performance. Unfortunately, some people believe that gay men and lesbians should not be allowed to hold certain positions such as teacher, supervisor or health provider. They feel that gay men and lesbians are sexually irresponsible and less trustworthy than heterosexuals, particularly with children. The stereotype of child molester or hypersexual is common but entirely false. In fact, it is well documented that the overwhelmingly majority of those who molest children are heterosexual men.
Why do LGBTQ people need gay rights laws? Isn't that asking for special privileges?
Currently there are no federal protections for lesbians or gay men who are subject to discrimination. Gay rights laws do not give LGBTQ people special privileges. They are civil rights laws consistent with the beliefs that all people are entitled to such necessities as employment, housing and business services without fear of discrimination. Unfortunately, in many states, LGBTQ people can be (and are) fired from their jobs, denied housing, credit, or insurance solely because of their sexual orientation. These beliefs, like those used to discriminate against people on the basis of race, ethnicity, religion, age, physical ability, or gender, are based on prejudice and ignorance rather than accurate information.
|
