Top Five Ways to Gain the Freshman Fifteen

1. Have fried food delivered to your room at least twice a week.
2. Tiffany’s Treats: Have their really delicious cookies delivered at least once a week and make sure to eat all of them yourself.
3. Be sure to take a bi-nightly visit to the vending machines to stock up on chocolate, trail mix, popcorn, chips, Coke (both name brand and the generic kind…those of you from Texas will understand this). And make sure to eat it all that night.
4. Talk about going to the gym. Then instead of going to the gym, go out and eat some junk food (McDonald’s, Mr. Gatti’s, it really doesn’t matter).
5. Make sure to avoid walking to any class, no matter how close it is. Also, take the elevator, even for one floor.

Time (mis)Management and
How You, Too, Can Achieve Great Results

(DISCLAIMER: Please note that the majority of this entry is written in the interest of humor. Many things have been exaggerated because the plain truth just isn’t funny. Enjoy!)

“School, friends, sleep. Pick two.”

There is somewhere this grand theory that college kids, once they fail out of half of their classes their first semester, get their act together and actually begin doing work the second semester and beyond.

This theory holds true for about two months and only for the people who didn’t make the grades they were expecting the first semester.

For those who did make the grades, whether by the skin of their teeth, pure luck, pure genius, or the pure generosity of some professor who had to listen to people get down on their knees and beg and plead for the grade they needed (or wanted) and eventually just gave in, these grade-making people feel that they’ve got it down. They know the system (or at least a system) and this system works for them and they will continue to use it until it fails. Please note: this is what is known as the “try until absolute failure” school of time management. There are several other options, which I will get into later.

Now, this isn’t to say that everyone needs to change his or her study habits from high school to college or from one semester to the next. For some people, they really do work and they really are doing quite well in college with their method. These people are known as “time managers.” They have well-updated planners and spend their time actually doing work. They keep track of everything in triplicate (in a planner, on sticky notes in various obvious-to-the-eye places and on a giant wall calendar that literally occupies the entire wall).

For the vast majority of college kids, however, time management is a joke. Time management means that you wake up in time to get dressed and go to class rather than roll out in what you slept in, which is usually the previous day’s attire. Time management is getting to the test on time rather than showing up your usual five minutes late to class. Time management is e-mailing your homework assignment to the professor at 4:59 p.m. when it is due at 5 p.m. Time management is sprinting across campus to turn in your major term paper at 4:59 p.m., and turning it in just as the tower strikes 5 p.m. Time management is remembering to watch your favorite shows. Time management is remembering to eat before the dining hall closes. Time management means getting the reading done sometime before the test, but never by the day it’s supposed to be read. Time management is spending a few hours the night before a test cramming it all into that already overstuffed head of yours in a manner that will get you through the test and yet help you remember it for the final (since most finals are comprehensive). To the rest of the world, this is known as time mismanagement. To the world of a college, this is everyday life and you are considered a responsible student if you can accomplish all of these tasks.

There are two types of people as well as several schools of time management. Let’s begin with the various schools of time management.

As I mentioned, there is the “try until absolute failure” school. Now, this can apply to all types of time managers. The trait that sets this school apart is that all its members are stubborn and stuck in their ways. I would put myself into this school of time management. I will continue to do things the same way until it is proven to me that it doesn’t work.

Then there is the “try something new every week” school. Sometimes, a weekly change in the way students manage their time can be new, fun and exciting. I find this ineffective since you really never get yourself set into a routine. And the name of the game is getting into a routine. Changing your time management habits on a weekly basis does not fit this mold. Some of the members of this school argue that they’re just searching for the “perfect fit” time management method. This may work for some people, but not for me. I’m into consistency.

Now onto the different types of people that fit into both schools of thought.

I mentioned earlier the “time manger.” These people are efficient and usually ahead of schedule as far as school work goes. These people usually have their papers written at least three days before the due date.

There are the “procrastinators.” This word has been given such a negative connotation in today’s society, but really, if waiting until the last minute to do something works, then why do things any differently? In order to be successful with this method, these people are overachievers, perfectionists and are often referred to as having a “Type A” personality. They usually have every intention of getting work done before the last minute, but it never works out and this person usually ends up working late into the night on whatever project. But they usually turn in superb work and usually make the grades they want come the end of the semester. They also have an amazingly vast knowledge base because they get really into whatever it is they are working on.

Then there are the “pseudo-procrastinators” who attempt to wait until the last minute but suffer from intense guilt if they don’t actually work on something before the last minute. They usually become bored with the project because they’ve been thinking about it for too long and the end is usually of lower quality than the beginning. These people are not “Type A” personality people but are trying very hard to work under the same “back against the wall” conditions.

There are also the “slackers.” They like to think that they are procrastinators, but really they just don’t work. The difference between a slacker and a procrastinator that many people fail to grasp, hence the negative connotation of procrastination, is that slackers really don’t care about their grades, until it’s too late of course, and therefore they don’t do the work. Procrastinators actually do their work quite well and they work very hard on things. They just wait until the last minute. But they are constantly concerned with their grades. Slackers are not. And that is the difference.

And, finally, there is the “genius” category, often confused with slacker because geniuses rarely ever do work, either. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they either magically know all the material before the class or they have an amazing ability to learn through osmosis. These people are rare. They never study for tests, because they don’t have to, and they write their papers in the hour before they are due. Do not attempt to become one of these people. It is impossible. One is either born like this or doomed to failure and perpetual confinement to the “slacker” zone.

So when you get to college, there are several paths and options to choose from as far as time (mis)management goes. Just remember that you might change from high school. For example, the time manager from high school could turn into the procrastinator of college. But always keep in mind that your options for time management are as varied as your options for a major.