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     Nicole | Profile | Reflections | Journal 7 8 9 10 11 12                                Fall 2002 | Home

29 April 2003

How have you changed?

A loaded question.

Have I changed? I tried to think back, tried to remember the girl who sat surrounded by boxes in a van, praying that they’d take her back home. A mix of excitement and fear filled her as she unpacked box after box. She was incredibly unaware of the life that would proceed. She was scared and overwhelmed. Afraid that at any given moment something would give, and she wouldn’t be able to cope with every emotion that was flowing through her. And it was frightening and exhilarating. The idea that her life was changing so drastically.

My first year here in Austin brought with it more than I had ever expected.

This year has definitely been memorable. And I can’t believe it’s over. I can’t believe in a few weeks Austin will be hours away, and the life I have known for the past nine months will become a collection of neatly archived memories.

And I guess I’m sad. Sad because next year won’t be the same. Because I’ll have to say goodbye to people who have managed to add so much to my life in such a small amount of time. Because I’ll never get to be a freshman in college again.

I’m sad for the time that has passed, but I’m excited for the times ahead.

I read the first journal I wrote not too long after I got here. And I don’t know if I have changed. I do know that I’ve learned more than could ever be recorded on a college transcript. I know that I have learned how to appreciate small things, hold on to important things and let go of the things I cannot change. I know that I’ve learned how to love with my entire heart, how to give second chances and how to be a good friend. And I will take that away from this year.

So as you sit there reading this, know that everything you think will happen, probably will. And then there will be things that you can’t even begin to imagine.

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