First-Year Student Journals : Andi : Reflections

Andi sits outside at a coffee shop on Guadalupe

Andi's blue Adidas Santiosage flip-flops

Andi works in the photo lab at The Daily Texan, she holds a film reel in the dark room

Andi | Profile | Reflections | Journals: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Reflections

2 February 2004

“Mankind are more disposed to suffer, where evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.”

—The Declaration of Independence

In other words, it is so much easier to retreat to what is safe, even if we don’t like it, than to take a risk to change things and step out of our comfort zone.

27 October 2003

The UT Theatre Department put on a production of Charles Mee’s “Trojan Women,” a modern-day take on the women of the Trojan War and the state of war itself. The passage below is from one of the men who stumbled upon a sort of oasis in the tragedy surrounding him, fell in love and became overwhelmed by the fact that he was so happy while the rest of his world was in such disarray. Maybe it also gives some insight into men…maybe…

AENEAS
If I stay I’m afraid I’ll never leave.
But I’ll stay from weakness,
from failure to keep my word,
not strength.

[The men of the chorus, lined up against the back wall,
say everything Aeneas says, before he says it,
overlapping with Aeneas in frantic explanation,
so that all the men are expressing these thoughts.]

You know,
I have to think about my age
and my health
how long I have to do the things I set out to do in the world
in order to feel okay about myself
do the things I think I am capable of doing
even have some talent, or gift
even what I like to do
I mean what I’ve been trained to do
I don’t know if this is a difference between men and women
where men can’t
in a way
just follow their hearts
but have to honor certain obligations they have made
and things to do in the world
as men/people who were meant to achieve something
Plus I have obligations.

There are certain things—
the goals a man has for his life
politics
his career
to feel good about himself
to feel he is someone
or even just to honor the commitments he has made
to feel he is an honest person
a man
who can be counted on
what else is it to be a man
if, when you give your word,
it can be counted on
you stand for something
which is, I mean, whether you believe in immortality or not
what you have to contribute
the best you can do
having been raised to DO something
men are meant to DO something
or else they’ve just never existed
stand by something
be ready to die for it
put their lives on the line
there may even be some deep biological thing to this

[Aeneas speaks by himself.]

I feel it
I feel I can’t let it go
without just
annihilating myself.

[silence]

29 September 2003

“The Life of David Gale” is a tragic and intense movie, one that gets you thinking. It was actually shot on the UT campus, which made it all the more eerie but all the more cool (upperclassmen said they saw Kevin Spacey walking around during filming). This is a quote from it:

“Living by your wants will never make you happy. To be fully human is to strive by ideas and ideals, not to measure your life by what you’ve attained or what you’ve desired, but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. Because in the end, the only way we can measure the significance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others.”

—David Gale (Kevin Spacey), “The Life of David Gale”

Weebls Stuff

StoryPeople

15 September 2003

This song was number one on my CD player for the first couple of weeks here and although I know how untrue it is that “people are tricky” and “you can’t afford to show anything risky, anything they don’t know,” most everyone I talked to had felt those exact fears at one point or another. It’s rare to find someone who isn’t a little bit afraid, and it’s just nice to know that I haven’t been alone!

“It’s Not” by Aimee Mann

I keep going round and round on the same old circuit
A wire travels underground to a vacant lot
…something I can’t see interrupts the current
And shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot
And from behind the screen it can look so perfect
But it’s not

So here I’m sitting in my car at the same old stop light
I keep waiting for a change but I don’t know what
So red turns into green turning into yellow
But I’m just frozen here in the same old spot
And all I have to do is to press the pedal
But I’m not

People are tricky: you can’t afford to show
Anything risky anything they don’t know
The moment you try…kiss them goodbye

So baby kiss me like a drug, like a respirator
And let me fall into the dream of the astronaut
For I’ll get lost in space that goes on forever
And you…just an afterthought
And I’ll believe it’s you who could make it better
Though it’s not
No it’s not
No it’s not…



	Andi \| Profile \| Reflections \| Journals: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Home
	Reflections 2 February 2004 “Mankind are more disposed to suffer, where evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.” —The Declaration of Independence In other words, it is so much easier to retreat to what is safe, even if we don’t like it, than to take a risk to change things and step out of our comfort zone. 27 October 2003 The UT Theatre Department put on a production of Charles Mee’s “Trojan Women,” a modern-day take on the women of the Trojan War and the state of war itself. The passage below is from one of the men who stumbled upon a sort of oasis in the tragedy surrounding him, fell in love and became overwhelmed by the fact that he was so happy while the rest of his world was in such disarray. Maybe it also gives some insight into men…maybe… AENEAS If I stay I’m afraid I’ll never leave. But I’ll stay from weakness, from failure to keep my word, not strength. [The men of the chorus, lined up against the back wall, say everything Aeneas says, before he says it, overlapping with Aeneas in frantic explanation, so that all the men are expressing these thoughts.] You know, I have to think about my age and my health how long I have to do the things I set out to do in the world in order to feel okay about myself do the things I think I am capable of doing even have some talent, or gift even what I like to do I mean what I’ve been trained to do I don’t know if this is a difference between men and women where men can’t in a way just follow their hearts but have to honor certain obligations they have made and things to do in the world as men/people who were meant to achieve something Plus I have obligations. There are certain things— the goals a man has for his life politics his career to feel good about himself to feel he is someone or even just to honor the commitments he has made to feel he is an honest person a man who can be counted on what else is it to be a man if, when you give your word, it can be counted on you stand for something which is, I mean, whether you believe in immortality or not what you have to contribute the best you can do having been raised to DO something men are meant to DO something or else they’ve just never existed stand by something be ready to die for it put their lives on the line there may even be some deep biological thing to this [Aeneas speaks by himself.] I feel it I feel I can’t let it go without just annihilating myself. [silence] 29 September 2003 “The Life of David Gale” is a tragic and intense movie, one that gets you thinking. It was actually shot on the UT campus, which made it all the more eerie but all the more cool (upperclassmen said they saw Kevin Spacey walking around during filming). This is a quote from it: “Living by your wants will never make you happy. To be fully human is to strive by ideas and ideals, not to measure your life by what you’ve attained or what you’ve desired, but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. Because in the end, the only way we can measure the significance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others.” —David Gale (Kevin Spacey), “The Life of David Gale” Weebls Stuff StoryPeople 15 September 2003 This song was number one on my CD player for the first couple of weeks here and although I know how untrue it is that “people are tricky” and “you can’t afford to show anything risky, anything they don’t know,” most everyone I talked to had felt those exact fears at one point or another. It’s rare to find someone who isn’t a little bit afraid, and it’s just nice to know that I haven’t been alone! “It’s Not” by Aimee Mann I keep going round and round on the same old circuit A wire travels underground to a vacant lot …something I can’t see interrupts the current And shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot And from behind the screen it can look so perfect But it’s not So here I’m sitting in my car at the same old stop light I keep waiting for a change but I don’t know what So red turns into green turning into yellow But I’m just frozen here in the same old spot And all I have to do is to press the pedal But I’m not People are tricky: you can’t afford to show Anything risky anything they don’t know The moment you try…kiss them goodbye So baby kiss me like a drug, like a respirator And let me fall into the dream of the astronaut For I’ll get lost in space that goes on forever And you…just an afterthought And I’ll believe it’s you who could make it better Though it’s not No it’s not No it’s not…