For this journal, I was
asked to focus on the big picture.
The big picture…
College is both a journey and a path.
I am definitely a big picture person. I
address generalities, macro-concepts, high ideals and overarching
symbols and metaphors. I rarely talk specifics. In college, I learned
something I already knew but swept it to the back of my cognition.
Sometimes, the meaning and the answers are in the minutiae.
associate journeys with peaks, valleys, tumults of emotion and
grand happenings. There are definitely huge narrative-worthy events
in college: moving into a new
space, first attempted college romance, first test, first party, first low grade
and first academic triumph. I remember all of these things, my feelings and some
flashes from my photographic memory. I remember the drama, the tears, the squeals
of laughter in those flashes Yet, the mundane pleasures are indistinct, obscure—lost
in the treasure trove of my memory. Faced with the big picture of ideas, adulthood
and the future as a college student I have learned to appreciate the small things.
Small things I appreciate:
warm, yummy food
soup when ill
hand-written letters and notes
into my eyes
coffee in the morning
smell of clean laundry
a couch to stretch out
a warm smile from a stranger
a genuine “Hello” or “How
are you doing?”
my favorite movies in the Undergraduate Library
cute, friendly squirrels
hum of computers
in an empty lab
I’m sure there’s more. In fact,
I am certain I could list and list and still never quite finish.
some point in my
freshman year, I have wanted
or needed something in this list. I received or found it—but I can’t
Perhaps it was the rush. We rush in college.
We jerk in college. We go and go and go only to stop abruptly and
then prepare to continue. There
is very little
one can do about the rush itself. In this sense, college is a path. Paths are
well trodden and preset. Yet, there is also time to muse along the path. Rarely
does the brave adventurer on the journey have leisure time in the garden. No,
the brave adventurer is busy slaying the nefarious beast of deadlines and commitments.
Empowered by these observations, my great, grand ambiguous scheme for next
semester is to make the path less pathological and temper the journey
with desirable path-like
qualities. Now for the cute practicalities.
Keeping a private weekly journal
has helped me immensely the latter part of the spring semester
and I will continue to do it. It was a tip I received during
career counseling. Based on what I have been observing, I need to take a step
back from the mythic parts of my college experiences and pick them apart. At
the same time, even writing about the small stuff (who I talked to, what I
and why) on the path gave me some much-needed clarity.
I will not fret if I
am not an academic demigoddess. I am more than a grade on a rhetoric
paper, a test and a GPA. My longing for deep affiliations, a
a small community still grows. Both paths and adventures can be individual
or shared. Paths are walked. Journeys require transportation. I intend to explore
off campus more next year in my vehicle. That may take some time away from
but one cannot really have a relationship with a book. Finding that communal
space is an important part of my journey.
Both the path and the journey have
perils, snares and arrows. Mine come from my own thoughts and heart.
My insecurities, weakness, self-doubt—they are
illumined because I know them. I made choices this semester. I am going to
remain a Radio-Television-Film (RTF) major and eventually focus
on screenwriting. Based
on this information, Web audiences may think nothing has really changed, but
Part of me must be invested on stage. That’s right. I
act. I have decided not to pursue it academically because the quest for grades
would dominate me
rather than pursuing the craft itself. The grades attained would take priority
over the late-night chats in the green room. My schedule next semester will
include three RTF courses. Look out world: I’m focusing and writing and
acting. I made the hefty decision on the journey by examining the minutiae
on the path.
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