I have just completed the first step in achieving my lifelong ambition. I got into the beginning fencing class I’ve been wanting in since I’ve been at UT. Granted I’ve only been here for one semester, but that doesn’t make this accomplishment any less glorious. Even though I didn’t manage to get into it until late, I actually made it to the first day of class thanks to a few ice days last week.
Regrettably, they haven’t supplied us with any weapons to speak of yet, but I feel that it is only a matter of time until I have some cold steel in my hands. The first day of class was, surprisingly, still rather interesting. First we got into this really awesome fighting stance that I’m probably going to use all the time now, even when I’m walking to class (just in case assassins jump me- I am rather high profile). Then we proceeded to hold hands with our partners and move back and forth. I’m not talking about sissy hand holding mind you, I’m talking hardcore mountain-man-wrestling-grizzly-bear hand holding.
A sane person would probably wonder how one goes about engaging in such extreme hand holding, and would possibly even have doubts as to whether or not such an intense act even exists. Let me tell you that until you have gazed into the feral eyes of your enemy as you prance gracefully back and forth in a ballet of death, you have no right to doubt these words I now say.
Anyway, it was pretty freaking sweet. It was like Bruce Lee fighting Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon sweet. One person would take turns leading while the partner tried to mirror that person’s moves. The leader would either advance or retreat a step, and the partner had to do the opposite in order to keep either person’s elbow from bending (An event which meant instant failure and possibly death and/or disfigurement, according to Professor Schimelman). It was all about anticipating and feeling the movements in advance- some serious sensei-type action. Needless to say, my partner and I failed miserably. I maintain that it was in no way my fault, and I fully intend to win the Beginner Classes tournament to be held later in the year with the ease of a practiced veteran. I will probably go on to the Olympics and become famous worldwide.
Here are the epic moments of our duel, caught forever in digital photograph by talented photographer Rachel Weiss.