Hey baby. Do you have a minute for me? You’ve always been so wonderfully attentive… But look. I think… we need to talk. Oh no, don’t panic; it’s nothing like that, not like the time when Tonsils and I got in a fight and we- well, it’s no matter now. I’m just feeling really vulnerable and upset with… you know… your last episode. Oh don’t give me that look- you KNOW what I’m talking about, Histamines.
You knew how important spring break was to me. It’s my time to unwind and relax from school, and the last thing I needed was to complicate this one week of sheer bliss. But Wednesday night… All I wanted was that nice quiet evening and some real sleep. But do you remember what happened, Histamines? Do ya?
My neck became spontaneously covered with what looked like a couple of giant mosquito bites. An hour later, these “bite-like” puffs showed up all over my shoulders. Two hours later, I was inflated like a blowfish at three in the morning, unbearably itchy from head to toe. I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night, and let me tell you, I was not a happy camper having to trudge over to the Student Services Building at eight in the morning only to have the nurse tell me that “Histamines were reacting to some allergy.” OH REALLY??
Why did you do that, histamines? Why did you attack me like this? All this time, I thought we had an understanding that no allergens would get in the way of our relationship. I…I feel like I’ve been living a lie. And I just DON’T UNDERSTAND- I thought we were happy, Histamines. Haven’t I been good to you? If this is what our relationship has become, I’m not sure I can really trust you anymore. I’m so frustrated!
And WHO WAS THAT MYSTERY ALLERGEN, hmmmm? You act like you’ve never met each other before, but come on- we both know I didn’t try anything crazy or new that night. So was it a planned attack, Histamines- did you pick it up on the hiking trail we went on three days ago? So that you and the mystery allergen could run off together? Hmm? Like my baby teeth- one by one they just popped off and left me. Is that you, Histamines??
Fine. Whatever. I don’t care anymore. And it doesn’t even matter because… I’ve got Benadryl now.
P.S. This week, the snippets are totally politically incorrect.
Trey: How was Germany?
Stephen: Dude, Germany’s so awesome. Those people are so… sorry for what they did. No, I’m serious! I tell them I’m Jewish and somebody ALWAYS apologized.