You know you’re getting used to college when…
1. After months of running to the bus stop only to see the beautiful Forty Acres shut the doors and speed off seconds before every passenger gets a good look at your crestfallen face, your biological clock has now been programmed to get you to the bus stop exactly 18 seconds before any bus arrives. Always.
2. You believe pedestrians have the right of way, green light or not.
3. You have accepted that the process for getting any registration related matter in college is and always will be: 1.) visit the registrar office. 2.) be referred to the registration office 3.) go to the registration office only to be told that you’re actually amoron because the registrar is just the other half of the registration office 4.) be referred to the admissions office 5.) go to the admissions office and be told that because there are no advisors available you need to come back tomorrow, and please don’t take the mints on the table because they’re older than your grandmother.
4. You stop cringing at the sight of girls wearing nike shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops… there’s no use anymore.
5. You look lost, poor, and miserable by mid-April. OMG FINALS COMING UP.
6. You know 82,000 different shortcuts to get to your destination. 26,000 of these shortcuts are designed to bypass all those people on the West Mall trying to shove flyers down your pants without your consent.
7. You have your own special place at Turtle Pond and refer to the turtles only by the special names you have given each one.
8. You only attend scholarly lectures for extra credit and/or the free food.
9. You take whatever free T-shirt those guys dressed up in advertising costumes are handing out. Who cares if it’s for Erectile Dysfunction Awareness? It means you get to put off laundry duty for one extra day.
10. After months of having to wait at least three hours for what seems like EVERY GIRL ON YOUR FLOOR to do laundry, you are now a LAUNDRY NINJA and you have mastered the ways of snagging an hour and actually getting the machine to work properly. Priceless.
11. You’d trade anything to get those high school worksheets and homework assignments back.
12. You look at the rising price of ramen noodles, from ten cents per bag to twelve cents, and are outraged. This means some major budgeting changes.
13. You have a precise, routine path through the Kinsolving cafeteria- get the chicken first, go straight down the aisle for a side salad that you won’t end up eating because you’re a total freshman 15 case, get a small bowl of rice, skip the fruit section because…you know. and pick up a brownie when nobody’s looking directly at you. exit.
14. You’ve never been so secretly sick of hearing “indie” music and watching “indie” movies but you watch them anyway because everyone around you keeps telling you that it’s intellectually priceless and enlightening. Just so you know… they’re secretly tired of it too.
15. When registration time rolls around, you know it’s a fight to the death somewhere.
P.S. This week, the snippets have digestive issues.
Me: How was lunch with your friends?
My cousin: Oh, it was great. Except… I threw up right before I got here.
Me: Oh wow. I’m sorry to hear that.
My cousin: Oh no. It was amazing. Incredible. The food was positively EXQUISITE. Exceptional. Infact, it was so good, it came back up for me.