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The Snippets Take The Post

I never did join that hysterical facebook about “things overheard on UT campus” or something like that. However, I think there is a legitimate excuse, given the odd and entertaining company that I sometimes find myself in. This week, the snippets are on a rampage!

David: She’s really small. If she were a spice girl, she’d be Small Spice.
***
Aatiya: Okay, so the plan is that Sneh and I will decorate the apartment for the surprise birthday party and Ha will keep her distracted until 6pm.
Naveed: Got the plan. When are we gonna steal money from the three casinos?
***
Me: Yeah, I can’t stand Greek Life, mostly because I had to watch my cousin suffer through the pledging process.
Mrs. Holmes: Not a fan, huh?
Me: Nope. I think they’re pure evil. So Mrs. Grieger, what was your college life like?
Mrs. Grieger: Well, I was one of those wretched sorority girls.
***
Ian: The pizza hut guy recognizes my voice on the phone now.
***
Barira: There was SO much food there! I mean, they could feed RWANDA with that much food.
Me: Barira, you could feed Rwanda with a happy meal.
***
Milan: Have you seen this pic of Naveed’s new girlfriend? She’s WAY too hot for him
Asif: Pssh, I really doubt- HOLY CRAP HOW MUCH DID HE PAY HER??
***
Trey: On a scale of one to Hemmingway, how drunk was he?
Melissa: Churchill.
Trey: Okay, that’s not fair. That’s like, eleven.
***
Professor: I want you guys to think of this as a political snowball effect. (pause) You guys have… heard of snow, right?
***
Mrs. Holmes: Ha, would you like to give these guys any last minute tips before I let them run wild over downtown Austin?
Me: Ummmm, don’t shop downtown because they rip you off. Like, there’s a GAP store or something nearby and they don’t have shirts under 80 bucks-
Random person #72: You shop at the GAP?
Me: …NO…
***
Me: Tell Stuart I miss him a lot!
Asif (on the phone): He says it doesn’t go both ways.
Me: YEAH? WELL TELL HIM HIS MOTHER DOES.
***
Me: Wow… that’s one crazy story.
Megan: Yeah, just another day in the life of Megan. I didn’t even get to the part when I thought my ex was trying to get me wacked.
Me: What?
Megan: Nothing.
***
Professor: Okay, I just want you guys to name off some people that truly embody the spirit of individuality.
Student 1: Oprah.
Student 2: Yeah! That’s a perfect example!
Student 3: OMG I LOVE HER.
Professor: Good. Another example?
Me: Picasso
(Awkward LONG pause)
Student 4: HAHAHA You can’t compare Picasso to OPRAH. Silly girl…
***
Barira: Are you going to donate blood today?
Me: Nope. Twice a year. Any more often and they won’t appreciate it as much.
Barira:HAHAHA Is that what you’re going to do as a doctor in twenty years? Only treat them PARTLY to keep them coming back? That’s so you.
***
Sneh: I’m going to put a stop to this! I’m not going to let them walk all over me! They will STOP eating my food, going through MY stuff, and USING MY PRINTER.
Me: GOOD FOR YOU, GIRL. How are you going to manage to do all that?
Sneh: …Well, I guess I can hide the food and well, they can’t use the printer if I hide the ink cartridge…?
ME:…YEAH, YOU TELL ‘EM.
***
Melissa: So I went downtown one time to go see Esther’s Folly and all of a sudden I hear like, a really loud gunshot and there were stampedes and people running everywhere and then I found out that the shot happened really really close to me and it was really scary!
Dan: …You went to see Esther’s Folly?
David: Seriously, Melissa.

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April 12, 2008 | | Comments are closed for this post
photo of Ha