Van's Blog

Sorry?

I’m sorry?

Eh, um… I didn’t…

I hate saying sorry,

Probably because there are very few things worth being sorry about.

I guess sorry is just another word that’s lost its spoken meaning.

Sorry, like love, is something that has to be shown.

Sure, you can be sorry for someone’s loss,

But you are genuinely sorry when you can’t help but cry for the living.

Sure, you can say you love someone,

But you are genuinely in love… when…

Well I don’t know when but you get what I’m trying to say.

In fact, I don’t even know what I’m saying now.

I kind of just find myself sitting in the hall rambling

About what sorry is or isn’t,

How sorry may feel or doesn’t,

Why one should be sorry or shouldn’t.

It’s hard for me to really articulate anything when it comes to feeling.

Maybe there enlies the problem?

Maybe Dexter and I have more in common than I thought.

No, I didn’t mean to have things turn out like this,

And no, I didn’t mean for either of us to become fake,

And no, I can’t go back and change it.

But if I could, I would.

Is that sorrow?

Is it that want to go back and change the past

The state of being sorry?

Is it that want to live for the future

The state of being in love?

Is it that want to enjoy the moment

The sate of happiness?

I digress.

Saying sorry is something I’m not very good at,

Especially in person.

The word sorry just doesn’t feel like there’s anything behind it anymore.

Now that I’ve thought it through,

This is necessary for me, and you.

Hopefully you are living easier with what I’ve taught you.

But just know that it’s time for me to learn more for myself,

And for you to teach others the way I taught you.

I often find myself wanting to go back,

But I know that this is the way it has to be.

Somewhat for my, but especially for me.

I’m sorry.

I am still the Van you knew.

But I’m trying to change that.

Because this Van is far from the Van I can be.

Because this Van is far from the Van I want to be.