Recently (as in since last Tuesday), I’ve started going to Texas Gospel Fellowship (TGF), a Bible study group that meets every Tuesday at 7 p.m. in Welch 2.256. They’re a nice group of people who make me feel welcome, and both times I’ve gone the message has left a big impression on me and stuck with me after I left the room.
This week’s message really got to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Today I started planning out my classes for next fall semester, and maybe even this summer (we’ll see how things work out), and I just started freaking out. After a certain class (curse you, Calculus!) had done some serious damage to my GPA, I’ve been running around trying to salvage as much as I can. I’m trying to change my major, get my GPA up, take the right classes so I don’t end up just wasting my parents’ money…
And today, everything just kind of hit me.
I felt like everything was going wrong and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I felt like I was taking a class for no reason, jeopardizing my scholarship, letting my family and friends down, and basically destroying my future day by day. I know, I get really dramatic with my stress.
But that was the mood I was in basically from the moment I woke up to the moment I walked into TGF. But then I heard the message, and realized I had to change my outlook on things.
The message was from Luke 1:5-20 and 57-66 and about the priest Zechariah who was John the Baptist’s father. One day Zechariah had randomly been chosen to go into the Lord’s temple and burn incense while the assembly outside prayed. While he was in the temple the angel of the Lord, Gabriel, appeared before him and told him that he and his old wife were going to have a son who would be great in the sight of the Lord. And instead of reacting with joy and praise at the news that he and his old (barren) wife were going to (finally) have a baby, he reacted with fear and doubt.
Why was he afraid of the angel and doubtful of the good news brought to him? Because he did not have faith. He did not have faith that the Lord had heard him and was giving him the child that he had been praying for now that he felt he was too old. And for his doubt, he was silenced until the birth of his son, John the Baptist. Then when his son was born he opened his mouth and sang and prophesied.
There were several things I got from this. The main message was that I needed to have more faith in God. I’ve been praying over and over for my academics, my grades, scholarships, my future, but yet, I haven’t been willing to put these in God’s hands and have faith that he will work things out when he sees fit. I’ve been holding on to them tightly and trying to sort things and work things out on my own, and stressing myself to tears because I just couldn’t get control.
And even if I did work things out and planned my whole life out and was on the path toward achieving my goals, if my plans don’t match up with God’s, they’re just not going to happen. I’m not going to pretend that I fully understand what God has in store for me, so there’s no need for me to be freaking out and stressing myself because things aren’t going as I want them to. I need to have faith in Him.
Of course that’s easier said than done. I might wake up this morning freaking out again, and have to keep reminding myself for quite a while that I have to let go and let God (isn’t that clever? I got it from somewhere, don’t remember where). But as for now, I’m way more at peace than I was earlier. It’s a relief to know that I don’t have to figure everything out on my own… because I kind of don’t know what I’m doing… ;D