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Identity Crisis #28

No kitsch dictionary definition today. Identity crisis day.

Let’s talk about how when you grow up, you have to make decisions. And every decision you make, while paving a path, of sorts, also limits your options. And this, they say, is part of being an adult: sacrificing some things for others. It’s about as much fun as it sounds.

I’m feeling something of a backlash from the liberal days of my youth. Yes, I’m getting old. I spent the first three years of college doing, in this order: pre-med, magazine journalism, the Bridging Disciplines Program in International Studies, nutrition, sociology, photojournalism, Women’s and Gender studies, and Middle Eastern studies. I’ve clung tenaciously to Plan II all the while. Now I find myself regretting my meandering. I understand, of course, the value of having crossed off virtually every humanities-oriented option available to me; but, I also came in with a number of requirements already taken care of — from foreign language to history to government — and still, I’ll end up graduating with Plan II, a BDP certificate, and something like four minors that don’t show up on my transcript because Plan II has unofficial “concentrations,” not minors.

This is only problematic insofar as all of the people in my life know a) what they’re doing after college and b) what they’re doing with their lives. I am by no means the first person to change her mind, nor am I the only person whose creative and practical sides engage in psychological warfare.

But I am tired and I want to take photographs. I want to speak Arabic and do research and be a student forever. I want to do social justice work and write freelance and at some point I’d like to learn about the Interweb so that I stop conceptualizing it as an abyss with bits and bytes.

In case you can’t tell, I am not dealing well with the prospect of my impending graduation.

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November 13, 2009 | | Comments are closed for this post

2 Comments to Identity Crisis #28

You’re too young to sound so cynical and tired – take a year off, ask your parents for an awesome graduation gift!! and live with passion – you obviously want to do a lot of things.

November 16, 2009
— Hanifa Haji

No one knows what they want to do at 21. If they do, they’re probably wrong and it will probably change. Enjoy the indecisive excitement now while we have options and choices and lots of roads and lots of forks ahead of us. I’m more scared of the day when most of those decisions are over and I know exactly what’s coming next.

November 16, 2009
— Jamie
photo of Sara