Pardon my silence in the last few weeks. I have been fighting attacks from all sides. Just when I thought I had a moment to prop up my feet I have been assaulted by my planner.
I really loved college. The way I feel about my undergrad experience is the way John Hughes feels about high school. It was so life-altering that, like Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire, I find it difficult to move on. Even after all this time, it still seems very alive to me. As so many UT seniors prepare to graduate in a couple of months, all I can say is try as you might, this moment shall pass, swifter than you’d like.
I’m the first to admit that I have a Peter Pan Complex. My career choice, after all, ensures that I’ll always be on a college campus. Which actually makes things more difficult since I still get older and college students don’t. And everyday I have reason to think about those bygone times.
But every so often, there’s a flash of hope. That even I might grow up and move on. Sometimes when I hear new music that I actually like it gives me a rush of optimism since that song exists independently from “past me.” Because the hardest part of having college end is suddenly needing to introduce yourself every few years to people who didn’t know you back then. And that always makes me feel incomplete, as if I’ve left small specks of myself in my wake these past ten years and can’t adequately remember who I am at the moment. The only memories connected to the song that grips me are ones that have yet to take place. And that possibility is like a thread that pulls me into the present.
Ironically, the song that’s been doing this for me lately is Fitz & the Tantrums’ “Winds of Change.” Perhaps this will be the song that can conquer my nostalgia and fix me, once and for all, in the now.