Behind the Beard: Captain Bartholomeu Neckbeard
AUSTIN, TX - Captain Bartholomeu Neckbeard, recently displaced from the treacherous waters of the Somali coast to a new home in Austin, finds transitioning to the urban lifestyle tough and is bewildered by many of our consumerist staples. His initial reaction to Pirate’s Booty, a cheese-flavored rice and corn snack, resulted in over $4,000 in damages to a local grocery store. However, his biggest disdain for our culture is the use of piracy in reference to illegal file sharing.
With buccaneer Captain Harold Cooper by his side, Neckbeard started the Pirates Against Piracy (PAP) movement in hopes of disengaging college students from file sharing piracy and reinvigorating interest in piracy on the high seas.
Cyber piracy, as conveyed in diagrams provided by Neckbeard, does not feature any positive gains. Violators of copyright infringement are often forced to pay settlement costs ranging from $3,000 to $5,000 and can be penalized with felony charges.
Captain Neckbeard wanted to remind interested parties that there is more to the classic form of piracy than just traveling the world and living at sea. Piracy also provides disgruntled youth opportunities to pillage, plunder, loot, extort, and occasionally filch. In contrast to cyber piracy, sea piracy offers greater amounts of rum, doubloons, and parrots.
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