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  • Don't tug on super-mom's cape

    By Jessica Sinn
    Jessica Sinn
    Published: March 31, 2010
    More women lose pride in their motherly duties and think less of themselves when their husbands take over the household chores, according to new research.Image courtesy of

    This article originally appeared in the Further Findings research blog.

    Dads are changing diapers, cooking dinner and shopping for groceries more than ever these days as more women enter the work force.

    Although this may seem like a blessing for many overextended moms, helpful dads can hurt a woman’s self-esteem, new research has found.

    More women lose pride in their motherly duties and think less of themselves when their husbands take over the household chores, according to new research by Takayuki Sasaki, an alumnus of the School of Human Ecology and a researcher at the Osaka University of Commerce in Japan; Bill Swann, professor in the Department of Psychology; and Nancy Hazen-Swann, associate professor of human ecology.

    So why do moms feel they have to bear the brunt of homemaking duties? What compels them to put on the super-mom cape?

    To find out, the researchers recruited 78 dual-income couples with eight-month old infants. During home-based interviews, they measured the parents’ self-esteem, self-liking and self-competence. The researchers also asked them to rate their spouses’ weaknesses and strengths regarding emotional engagement with the kids, their physical involvement, responsibility and overall parenting skills.

    The findings revealed that women nearly tripled the amount of time caring for the babies by themselves than their husbands. And husbands gave their wives rave reviews for their parenting skills, whereas the wives gave their husbands less than stellar parenting marks.

    “We found that in dual-career families, when husbands assume a relatively large, more egalitarian portion of the responsibility for infant care, and wives feel they are doing a good job at parenting, they are more satisfied with their marriages,” Hazen-Swann said. “But at the same time, they feel less competent themselves. We believe this is because society still expects mothers to take the major responsibility for infant care even if they work full time. That is, working mothers have accepted society’s expectations that they should be ‘super-moms’ and do it all — full-time mothering and a full-time job.”

    While many wives said their “Mr. Mom” husbands were helpful, they gave them low ratings because their child-rearing methods were different from their own. However most women gave their husbands high marks for mundane child-rearing chores like bathing, feeding and diaper changing.

    The study, published in the March edition of Personal Relationships, also revealed that women’s self-competence (the degree to which they feel capable of accomplishing goals) diminishes when their husbands had more alone time with the kids. However, if the wives thought their husbands were less helpful, they would feel less inferior.

    • Quote 2
      Trone—Unmass the Message® » Blog Archive » Is your brand helping or hurting mom’s burden? said on July 19, 2010 at 9:18 a.m.
      [...] the domestic domain lead to less satisfaction and joy in moms’ life, and more stress.  In fact, a UT Austin study found that in households where fathers help out equally or more with domestic duties, moms feel an [...]
    • Quote 2
      Debi Prather said on April 8, 2010 at 8:05 a.m.
      I think that any honest woman with an 8 month old baby who is working full time is going to question her "competence" to meet the demands of parenting because this is an incredibly challenging time of life. Is this low self esteem or just admitting the reality of the situation? I question the entire tone of this article as it seems to reinforce the old stereotypes. "Entering the workforce?" -- women have been a part of the fulltime workforce for MANY years now, and in fact I think there are probably more stay at home moms in the US today than there were 10-20 years ago. The very tone of the article serves to perpetuate the idea that dads (Mr. Mom, puh-leez) are HELPING whereas moms are just doing their jobs.
    • Quote 2
      Margaret said on April 6, 2010 at 12:43 p.m.
      I would have absolutely no problem with my husband taking on more household duties. If anything, I feel worse because I have to pick and choose what I can reasonably accomplish, and then feel stressed because of what I can't get to, and he won't volunteer to do. I wholeheartedly acknowledge that I can't do it all!
    • Quote 2
      jessi said on March 31, 2010 at 10:27 p.m.
      Hmm... I'd have to say I'd LIKE my husband to take over the household chores! Minus the child rearing! I can't stand the thought of my baby girl wanting daddy over mommy!
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