Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Brutal rewriting

Original
Thorstein Veblen & Keynes LLP makes this site available as a service to clients and friends. It is not intended to be a solicitation or to render legal advice. Some pages provide links to other information resources on the Internet. These sites are not endorsed or supported by Thorstein Veblen, and the firm does not vouch for the accuracy of the information provided therein. The State Bar Rules require that a single attorney accept responsibility for this site. Thorstein Veblen designates John Maynard, General Counsel.

Flesch readability score = 45 (fairly difficult); grade level = 10

This one is better than most. But it's so stodgy.

Try this
We at Thorstein Veblen & Keynes LLP run this site as a service to clients and friends. We do not use this site to seek clients or to give legal advice. Some pages on our site have links to other sites. But we don't recommend or support those sites, and we can't guarantee the information on those sites. State Bar rules require us to name a single lawyer who is responsible for this site; that is John Maynard, our General Counsel.

Flesch readability score = 78 (very easy); grade level = 6

I'm brutal, aren't I?

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