Sentence problem 12--legal wordiness
Sometimes we use too many words. Sometimes we find the longest way to say something and then add to it.
Some wordiness comes from a sense that lawyers must be thorough. And we must. Some wordiness comes from a sense the lawyers must be accurate. And we must. But most wordiness comes from a failure to edit and cut. So learn to edit and cut.
Poor: In the early years of the century, lawyers were brought into corporations primarily as a response to the increasing pervasiveness of governmental regulations, which required frequent consultation with lawyers by corporate management, who sought legal advice from someone knowledgeable about the company's business and more aware than an outsider of the objectives of the enterprise.
Better: In the early 1900s, corporate managers began to bring lawyers in house. These managers were responding to increased government regulations, which required frequent consultation with lawyers. The managers also wanted lawyers who knew more about the corporation's business than outside lawyers would.
--Excerpted from Better Legal Writing