Sentence problems 8--verb and object distance

Just as you can annoy your reader by separating the subject and verb, you can annoy the reader by separating the verb from its object. If the object--the thing receiving the action of the verb--is separated from the verb by long, intervening phrases, you tax your reader. Again, better writers generally keep their verbs and objects together.

Poor: The judge eventually wrote, on behalf of her colleagues at the Court of Appeals and with hesitation because of her own prior involvement in the property-sales transaction at issue in the trial, an opinion affirming the dismissal of the case.

Better: On behalf of her colleagues at the Court of Appeals, the judge eventually wrote an opinion affirming the dismissal of the case, despite her hesitation because of her own prior involvement in the property-sales transaction at issue in the trial.

Poor: The attorney general did not believe, despite exhaustive investigations not only by the state's staff attorneys but also by the private lawyers retained to handle the civil matter, the version of the facts that the accused was telling.

Better: The attorney general did not believe the version of the facts that the accused was telling, despite exhaustive investigations not only by the state's staff attorneys but also by the private lawyers retained to handle the civil matter.

--Excerpted from Better Legal Writing