Objective analysis: frame your facts

In the previous post I said that in writing a persuasive statement of facts you should frame the factual setting before you go into the details. You should also do it in objective analytical writing. What works in briefs works in memos, too.

Here are the first sentences of two statements of facts from two memos. Before, the statements just start at the beginning of the story. After, each begins with a stage-setting sentence.

Before
Samuel Mills had worked as a flight engineer for United Airlines and its predecessor Pan Am for nearly thirty years when he was fired on December 15, 2004. . . .

After
This case concerns an employee who was told his firing was health related, but who later found out his employer had planned to cut costs by firing older workers. Samuel Mills had worked as a flight engineer for United Airlines and its predecessor Pan Am for nearly thirty years when he was fired on December 15, 2004. . . .

Before
Daniel Saldana and Adrienne Harbour both worked for successful software companies in Columbus, Ohio, when they met and began dating in July 2000. . . .


After
This memo addresses the unfortunate break-up of an engagement and the ensuing disagreement about who is entitled to the engagement ring. Daniel Saldana and Adrienne Harbour both worked for successful software companies in Columbus, Ohio, when they met and began dating in July 2000. . . .